Being transgender

Genderdysphoria (transgender).
I've already explained most of it here:
http://churchofequality.friendhood.net/t19-coming-out-on-twitter-no-less

This is also something I was born with, but found out at a later age, simply because I didn't know.
I had very little knowledge about trans genders because I had never heard about it until I was an adult.
Even then it took many years for the coin to drop.

As you've been able to read in the article, I'm stuck with the body that I have and reluctantly accepted that.
Even though I consider myself gender neutral, I do refer to myself as a man and have never used the women toilet stall.

Not to make others more comfortable, but because it makes no difference to me.
Why? Because I don't care what other people think about the choices I decide to make in and with my own life.
That's my business, not anyone else.

I refer to myself as a man simply because I have accepted I would never be able to live as a woman.
But what I can do is make the best out of what I have.
So my feelings haven't changed, but my outlook has.

I refuse to let someone else specify or force a gender or gender stereotype upon me.
So I identify myself as a man, but that's as far as I go.
I do whatever I feel like.

Sometimes that means having a good cry.
I love to cry, it feels liberating, like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Often I hear people (men) say men don't cry.
That it's a sign of weakness, makes you look like a pussy.
But being sensitive and being strong are not mutually exclusive.
Not to mention I have reached the age where I simply don't care anymore what others think of me.

I use the cat analogy:
Cats are adorable, but they are also apex predators.
So cute killing machines.
Sounds like an oxymoron, it isn't.

Same with me.
I can be manly and macho, but I can also be shy and sensitive.
Whether I am one or the other depends on what I feel like.
Sometimes I want to hug, sometimes I'll punch you in the face, which has more to do with the person I'm confronted with then me.

So I guess when it comes to my behavior, I am somewhere in between man and woman.
So like I said, gender neutral.
I may call myself a man, but that doesn't imply I have to behave like one by following gender stereotypes.

I call myself a Republican, but cheered when Barack Obama won the election in 2008.
Why? Because it was a great moment.
I would have been happy if McCain had won, but realized President Obama was the better candidate.
With a much better running mate.

Does that make me a hypocrite?
I like to think it makes me human for feeling good about having a black president.
Even though his first 4 years in office were disappointing in my personal view, mainly because of the White House staff he appointed, he is making up for it in his second term.
So I still believe the American people voted right. Both times.

Calling myself something and doing something that seems to contradict that is not hypocrisy or a betrayal of my own ideals.
I can call myself a man and still do "girly stuff", whenever I feel like it.
I can call myself a Republican and still support a Democrat, if that candidate is better in my own opinion.
I do what I believe is in my own best interest.

Everybody has the right to choose how they want to live their lives, within reason of course and within the confines of federal law and the constitution.
You can or may disagree with me, which is your right.
You can or may argue or debate with me, which is your right.

But nobody can tell me who I have or need to be.
Nobody can make my choices for me.
Nobody can force me to ad heir to their ideology, religion or opinion.
Taking away my rights is a right you don't have.

That may sound a little defensive, but I am not one to hide my true feelings.
I say what I think and I think what I feel.
So perhaps I do tend to word things very strongly.

This is who and what I am.
I can't and won't change that.
And if a person can't live with that, then I really don't care.
When it comes to my own life, I can be as selfish as I want to be.