Reverant Revan: An introduction

Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Revan, and I'm the founder of the Church of Equality.

The name Revan is Roman Latin for revenge (revanche), but also means raven in some languages.
Revan is also the name of the main character in the Bioware RPG videogame "Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic", also known as SW:KOTOR.
However, I am neither Jedi or Sith, or call myself Master or Lord.

The title "reverant" is spelled like that instead of "reverend", because it's not the English / American title (often associated with Evangelism / Baptism) but the Roman Latin spelling when using Roman characters of reverand, which means congregational leader / guide.
It is also a play on words, because I do tend to "rant" sometimes.

The Roman title was chosen to create a recognisable distinction, to avoid confusion with the Baptist Church title (reverend).
The title reverend is based on the word "revere", which translates as "worship".
A reverend is not a worshiper (reverer) or worshipee (revered), but a devoter of worship, one who leads in the act of worship.
The title, to all intents and purposes, is roughly similar to priest, rabbi, imam, etc.

My title however translates as "spiritual guide" or "leader of the congegration".
There is no worship in my religion.
It is therefore technically more of a philosophy, and my church has no buildings and is therefore more of an online congegration then an actual church.

I was raised Christian (Roman Catholic), coming from a long line of Roman Catholic families.
As a child I attended Christian schools, where even at a young age I was best of my class in Religious Studies.
I no longer consider myself a Christian, even though I founded my own church, which welcomes members of all religions because I don't believe my religion is in conflict with any other religion.

And yes, equality is a religion because you need faith to make it work.
Faith in yourself, faith in humanity, faith that good will prevail over evil, faith that the path of enlightenment is the right one.
Faith is more then hope, it is the conviction that we can succeed as a whole, that we can and shall become better then we are today, that we shall grow and evolve as one race into something truly amazing.

My part in this is to try and guide those willing to embrace equality to the best of my abilities.
To bring people together and unite them, so their unified voice becomes the loudspeaker of equality.
When I die, I would like to be remembered for playing a part in the unification of humanity and the struggle for global equality.
Because think how much better our lives would be, how much more we could accomplish, how much greater we could be if we united our strenghts, wisdom, technology, knowledge, resources and wealth.

I am not a socialist, or a communist, and I don't believe in handouts or that everyone should share what they themselves have earned.
What I do believe is that everyone can share something, no matter how small, since every little bit helps and it takes more then just money or politics to change the world for the better.

I know that we will never live in a true Utopia, since nothing and no one is perfect, mistakes will always be made and some people are never satisfied with what they have or think they are more deserving then others.
There will always be people who are blind, ignorant, fascist, racist, sexist, homophobic, bigoted etc.
But this is the minority, and it is a shrinking one, because they are on the wrong side of history.

The struggle for global equality is long and difficult, but we must never lose faith, never give up, never give in, never surrender, never be afraid, never lose hope, and never lower ourselves to the level and tactics of those who wish to take away the rights of others to benefit themselves.
For heaven is our future, hell is being stuck in the past.

There shall be no salvation for those who are willfully ignorant.
Those who rather believe in lies then seeking the truth.
Those who rather stay ignorant then seek out knowledge.
Those who blindly follow their leaders without questioning their motives.
Those who rather keep making the same mistakes then learning from the past.
Those who rather ignore problems then solve them.
Those who rather give up their rights then defend them.

Nothing worth fighting for is ever easy.
Nothing worth defending is ever safe.
The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
Those who trade liberties for the illusion of safety deserve neither.
With every right comes an equal responsibility to protect that right.

Part 2.

I've had many jobs, some good, some bad.
The only one I'm proud of was when I started my own company.
It was a small business that traded internationally in computers and computer parts, audio and video equipment and smartphones.

I started my business in October, 2007.
Right before the bank crisis that almost crashed the world economy.
My first year was good, sold a lot internationally.
Everything seemed to be going my way.

But in the second year, my sales plummeted and businesses like mine went bankrupt left and right.
Only the largest companies with the biggest reserves managed to survive.
Every other computershop and electronicashop went bust.
And so did mine, despite having an excellent reputation.

I lost everything.
My house, my car, my business, my furniture.
All but a few possesions I managed to rescue were taken from me.
All I was left with was a debt of almost $100k.

Five years have past since my company declared bankrupty.
In that time, I tried to kill myself on several occasions.
Unsuccessfully, given the fact I'm still very much alive.
Electrocution, painkillers, overdose of drugs, nothing worked.

I took a long hard fall and it's hard to crawl out of the ditch once you're in it.
But I'm no longer depressed about it.
Things won't improve if all you do is feel sorry for yourself.
Instead, I have decided to accept my current situation and try to improve it.

I don't know if I'll ever be successfull again.
But I am going to try.
Improving the world starts with improving yourself.
So that's what I'm doing.

Part 3

I am autistic.
The form I have used to be called Asperger Syndrome, now classified as ASS (yeah that's right) or Autistic Spectrum Syndrome under DSM 5.

I only found out after my business went bust and I ended up in a clinic after my suicide attempts.
I was 31 at the time, I'm 36 now.
So it took that long to figure it out.

When I heard this, and I researched autism, it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders, because I recognized myself in what I was reading.
So many things suddenly made sense to me.

Like why I can't have too many people around me, why I never go out to bars or danceclubs, why I am so turned into myself (the litteral meaning of the word autism).
It all made sense.

So, basicly, I don't have the same "filter" other people have that allows them to shut out the rest of the world when they are talking to somebody, allowing them to concentrate on the conversation and ignore everything else.

I can't do that.
I can't help but overhear every other conversation in the room.
I can't ignore all the other noises I hear.
I am simply not able to.

This can be very distracting in some situations, or very stressful in others.
For instance: If I am at work and rushing through something that needs to be done quickly and I have a lot of noise around me and sudden or unexpected interruptions (phone rings, somebody walks in, a package arrives, etc), that will drive me insane.

It is very difficult to explain to people who don't know what it's like to have autism.
For instance, a lot of people simply don't understand why I avoid contact with other people.
Or why I don't like parties.

They see those things as enjoyable, where for me they are not.
Going to any event or gathering with a lot of people, noise, flashing lights, distractions, etc is no fun for me.
I don't attent birthdays, nor do I celebrate mine.

People who don't understand that those kind of events are unbearable for me simply see it as "being a-social".
It's not like I don't give out birthday presents, or visit friends and family, I just don't like crowds.

Of course, there are also people that simply don't want to understand.
Or have some stereotypical view of what someone with autism behaves like.
"You don't act like Rain Man".
No, I don't. Because there are many forms of autism. That ain't mine.

Autism is genetic.
I was born this way.
It will never change, no matter what.
There is no cure.

Sure, there are ways to make it easier for yourself, but that only works if you actually know you have autism and have researched it thoroughly, so you learn how to adapt.
Because that is all you can do.
Adapt and learn to live with it.

Part 4

Genderdysphoria (transgender).
I've already explained most of it here:
http://churchofequality.friendhood.net/t19-coming-out-on-twitter-no-less

This is also something I was born with, but found out at a later age, simply because I didn't know.
I had very little knowledge about transgenders because I had never heard about it until I was an adult.
Even then it took many years for the coin to drop.

As you've been able to read in the article, I'm stuck with the body that I have and reluctantly accepted that.
Even though I consider myself gender neutral, I do refer to myself as a man and have never used the women toilet stall.

Not to make others more comfortable, but because it makes no difference to me.
Why? Because I don't care what other people think about the choices I decide to make in and with my own life.
That's my business, not anyone else.

I refer to myself as a man simply because I have accepted I would never be able to live as a woman.
But what I can do is make the best out of what I have.
So my feelings haven't changed, but my outlook has.

I refuse to let someone else specify or force a gender or gender stereotype upon me.
So I identify myself as a man, but that's as far as I go.
I do whatever I feel like.

Sometimes that means having a good cry.
I love to cry, it feels liberating, like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Often I hear people (men) say men don't cry.
That it's a sign of weakness, makes you look like a pussy.
But being sensitive and being strong are not mutually exclusive.
Not to mention I have reached the age where I simply don't care anymore what others think of me.

I use the cat analogy:
Cats are adorable, but they are also apex predators.
So cute killing machines.
Sounds like an oxymoron, it isn't.

Same with me.
I can be manly and macho, but I can also be shy and sensitive.
Whether I am one or the other depends on what I feel like.
Sometimes I want to hug, sometimes I'll punch you in the face, which has more to do with the person I'm confronted with then me.

So I guess when it comes to my behavior, I am somewhere in between man and woman.
So like I said, gender neutral.
I may call myself a man, but that doesn't imply I have to behave like one by following gender stereotypes.

I call myself a Republican, but cheered when Barack Obama won the election in 2008.
Why? Because it was a great moment.
I would have been happy if McCain had won, but realized President Obama was the better candidate.
With a much better running mate.

Does that make me a hypocrit?
I like to think it makes me human for feeling good about having a black president.
Even though his first 4 years in office were disappointing in my personal view, mainly because of the White House staff he appointed, he is making up for it in his second term.
So I still believe the American people voted right. Both times.

Calling myself something and doing something that seems to contradict that is not hypocracy or a betrayal of my own ideals.
I can call myself a man and still do "girly stuff", whenever I feel like it.
I can call myself a Republican and still support a Democrat, if that candidate is better in my own opinion.
I do what I believe is in my own best interest.

Everybody has the right to choose how they want to live their lives, within reason of course and within the confines of federal law and the constitution.
You can or may disagree with me, which is your right.
You can or may argue or debate with me, which is your right.

But nobody can tell me who I have or need to be.
Nobody can make my choices for me.
Nobody can force me to adheir to their ideology, religion or opinion.
Taking away my rights is a right you don't have.

That may sound a little defensive, but I am not one to hide my true feelings.
I say what I think and I think what I feel.
So perhaps I do tend to word things very strongly.

This is who and what I am.
I can't and won't change that.
And if a person can't live with that, then I really don't care.
When it comes to my own life, I can be as selfish as I want to be.